in Politics, Satire

Career Options for Rick Perry

Rick Perry will not seek re-election as governor. Best news many Texans have had in thirteen years. In a spirit of thanksgiving, combined with a huge measure of relief, and as a conciliatory gesture, I have some career options for the governor that he may not have considered.

He could:

Go back to school and study civics, history and English.

Become a sonogram technician and administer test at whatever few family planning clinics remain in Texas.

Be a salesperson at Condoms to Go.

Offer his services as a mediator to the two opposing factions in Cairo. He said he is not intimidated by shrieking mobs and claims to have God’s ear. An objective third party might be just what the Egyptians need.

He has tons of experience in touting regulation free enterprise. He could become a spokesperson for the Bangladesh textile industry.

Become an inspector for fertilizer plants.

Perry shot a coyote and has better hair than Wayne La Pierre. He could become the new face of the NRA.

I think Rick Perry’s best career move would be to join the Benny Hinn ministry. Both Perry and Hinn claim the almighty is their ecclesiastical career adviser. Benny’s wealthy BFF offered to deliver over a million bucks to the cause if his ministry partners would chip in. With Perry at his side, Benny need not beg for bucks. Perry could instruct him on the finer points of building a wealthy donor base.

There has been speculation regarding Benny’s use of private jets and misusing ministry funds. Perry has extensive connections with owners of private jets and is well versed in the fine art of flying friendly under the IRS radar. Heck, he could even help Benny build a rainy day fund.

Benny heals.  The millions of Texans left in the dust by Perry’s refusal to fund Medicaid would have a resource for healthcare. Think of it – no paperwork, no waiting for an appointment, just show up at the next Benny event and be cured.

This would seem to be a partnership made in heaven. Considering Perry’s expertise in snake oil and his thirteen plus years as a career politician moving to televangelism is a logical next step.