Women are brought up to practice fair play, but with a knockout clause, that “life isn’t fair”. Does the practice of fair play, although virtuous, cause us to be less vigilant and expose us to stressful individuals or situations? Have we been preconditioned to second-guess our instincts?
How many times have you met someone, and for some reason something made you uneasy; an indefinable flag waved “off kilter”. Most of us tell our inner voice to dummy up at the risk of making an unfair or snap judgment.
Maybe it is a holdover from primeval ancestors. Whatever it is; my experience is that instinct is usually on target especially when dealing with a player. Suppressing that first indicator that you may be dealing with a radioactive individual puts you at risk of developing a relationship that should be minimal or not at all.
Players perform best in a group where they deliver a targeted, but subtle hit. Not wanting to appear frivolous or paranoid, we mentally invent reasons to justify problematic behavior and second-guess our gut reaction.
Some say we should view these types of situations as karmic gifts that give us an opportunity for personal growth. The problem with that concept is, it is a gift that keeps on giving. Players may pause or exercise some degree of caution, but they rarely stop, they simply up their game.
Interaction with a player requires patience and an investment in a relationship of dubious value. Not getting on the merry-go-round in the first place is the best solution, but sometimes that isn’t an option. For those unavoidable occasions, limited exposure and quick exits work best. Taking the high road is clichéd and over-rated. I say make a run for it. If you happen to be stuck in your home with an unsavory individual, a swig of vodka in the closet is acceptable. Any shortcut to tranquility is acceptable when dealing with a passive-aggressive.
I do not believe I have suffered loss of a valued relationship by going with my first instinct, unavoidable alliances notwithstanding. As for my Karmic gift, I’ll look for an opportunity for personal growth elsewhere.