in Satire

Lies and Excuses

We are assaulted routinely by half-truths and in some instances outright lies. Fox news and congress top the list of spin and we take everything they say with a hefty dose of skepticism. The internet is loaded with misinformation people are eager to cite as factual.

When someone makes up a wildly unbelievable excuse to decline an invitation, I’m aware the intent is to spare my feelings, but more often than not, they insult my intelligence.

Topping the list of least believed lies is the “hurry up and conjure a conflicting engagement”. Do I really believe you have a last minute opportunity to visit the Vatican that conflicts with the exact same time I was coming for a visit? And, don’t send a Photoshopped pix of you and the pope for proof.

I don’t believe for one second you are backing out of attending my dinner party because it conflicts with your horoscope according to the Mayan calendar.

I am also aware of the “bait and switch/reward” technique. This is usually deployed when declining an invitation while countering with a disingenuousness offer to meet at the Hari Krishna restaurant for brunch Sunday morning at 5:30 AM. The insincerity of this invite implies my transportation to this event involves a short yellow bus.

If you are going to fib, don’t be surprised when your birthday party takes place in the early morning with a vegan brunch served at 5:00 AM. You did express a fondness for the Krishna’s cuisine did you not?

You will no doubt be ecstatic when you receive an autographed photo of the pope along with a framed copy of the Mayan calendar.